If you are worried about your child’s video game and social media use, you should ask yourself one honest question…

When it comes to your cell phone and computer use, are you being a good role model for your child?

(COVID-19 Note: During Pandemic lifestyle changes, as a general rule you can go easier on yourself and your child, but the principle remains: Be a role model for your child and set personal limits on use when appropriate.)

As a child psychiatrist, it is rare for me to get a young patient without a parent at least mentioning some concern for the amount of video games, youtube, social media, or other electronic media that their child is using.  

I can understand the concern as our society has rapidly made shifts to utilize wonderful new technologies that were meant to further enrich and stimulate our lives. The younger parents in our practice can remember their childhoods when computers and console video games started making their way into their households. Most parents can remember a seemingly alien concept from their childhoods — playing outside with other children. Unfortunately, this idea may be anxiety-provoking in our current day and age. A safer option may seem like allowing your child unfettered screen time. And while your child remains physically safe when playing with their devices, there are ways to promote healthy screen use.

Most parents question if it is normal for their child to be spending hours on their mobile phones or video game systems. And for the most part, I do feel that some use of these devices is considered normal in the current status quo. However, as we all know, too much of a good thing will become a bad thing.

The point that I would like to make in this article, however, is that a child learns a lot of their behavioral patterns at home. Just think about yourself, have you ever noticed any actions, behaviors or even parenting techniques that remind you of how your parents did things? It is not unusual to think “I’m becoming my mother!” or “I sound like my Father!” Hopefully, your parents have passed down good habits for you. Alternatively, its unfortunately just as common to have some negative memories about your parents which might lead you to think “I’m never going to do that with my kids” or “I wish my parents would have done it this way.” No one can fault a parent for wanting the best for their child — and it isn’t selfish to want the best for yourself. Whether you know it or not, your child is learning from you all the time. 

Digital media habits aren’t an exception to this pattern. Whether your child is watching you or not does not matter. If they are seeing their parent on their phone checking social media, eBay, or responding to emails/messages for hours at a time, they are going to “know” that it is okay to keep their nose in their phone for hours on end. Children are not naturally good at drawing a boundary or understanding the difference between work and play when they see you playing. 

To prove to yourself how much you are on your phone there are several apps you can use to give yourself an honest look about your time used on your phone. Some apps include Moment for IOS and QualityTime for Android. Those 15-second checks on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter or whatever will add up to hours of use for the average person these days.  
Pay attention to how much you access your electronic devices in front of your children.

Parental mobile phone use can lead to disengagement with a child. Why should your child get off of Fortnite just to see their parents adding to their Pinterest boards or searching for a knick-knack on Etsy? Now hopefully that seems like an exaggerated example to you, but in many households, things can be even more stressful. At the end of that day, you want to be spending quality time with your loved ones and teaching your little ones the importance of that quality time.

Distracted electronic media use can get in the way of quality time with your child and may send a subconscious cue that your screen time is more important to them, which can teach them that their own screen time is more important than time with others. Fortunately, you can use together screen time or co-screen time to improve your connection. The screen then becomes a vehicle for connection rather than a literal barrier.

By keeping your nose buried inside of your phone, you are missing out on countless opportunities to strengthen a relationship with your child. Remember that children learn much more by watching you and doing what they see and listen a lot less when being told to not do something. You are your child’s biggest role model, don’t funnel them into picking the latest fad-based youtube star as a surrogate. Your child needs you to be their biggest influencer. 

How to be a good electronic role model for your child:

1. Designate screen-free family time with a fun family activity such as a board game or outdoor fun

2. Keep phones away from the dinner table

3. Keep mobile phones and tablets out of child’s room at night time

4. Limit your own electronics use in bed and when driving