Video Transcript

• Is your videogame and cell phone use Destroying your SEX LIFE?
• • In today’s video we are talking about Video games and cell phone use what kind of effect it is having on your sex life and relationship in general.
  • The problem – Your partner tells you that you play too many video games and you notice that your relationship is becoming weaker. You notice that communication has become more about arguing about who is right and your sex life has become stagnant or non existent for long periods at a time.
  • Two behaviors that I want to look at – PC gaming for long periods at a time of regular frequency (daily, or the entire weekend) and Cellphone use during normal together time ( this includes mobile games as well as general social media browsing for long periods); we will compare these to shared screentime activities (i.e. Netflix and Chill) and non-screen activities such as having a conversation, playing a board game, or doing some other task together
  • Both of these behaviors can result in a decreased production and release of the hormone thought of as the “Love Hormone” Oxytocin.
    • Oxytocin is a highly important hormone that your pituitary gland in your brain excretes. It has numerous sexual and reproductive functions.  Many of these functions are important for both men and women. These can include: Pair Bonding, Mutual Trust, Blood flow to the penis and clitoris (among other sexual organs), can facilitate the strength and likelihood of orgasm
    • Oxytocin can be stimulated by several behaviors including: Touch, Communication, and Eye Contact – and obviously foreplay/cuddling
    • Many researchers feel that both resting and peak levels of Oxytocin are a good indication of Sexual Health in couples
  • Back to our conditions at home
    • So first, If you are a PC gamer and are playing at all waking hours, daily, in order to make sure that you are best equipped to go raiding with your clan, or are working your way up the ranks on a MOBA game or grinding out missions/doing dailies/participating in time limited tournaments in mobile games – then realize that you are putting these as a priority over your relationship… and in this case, your sex life may be the least of your worries in the relationship.  Perhaps your partner has mentioned that they want to spend more time with you or perhaps they waited until their emotions overwhelmed them and it created an argument – if this has happened, now is the time to evaluate what the game means to you compared to what your relationship means to you.
    • The second condition, when one or both of the members of a couple spend time together, lets say on the couch but are doing their own separate things on their phones or tablets.  The mere presence of both members of a relationship in the same room, makes it better for the relationship compared to a condition where one person is away playing a game by themselves for hours and the other is left to fend for themselves.  However, the time that you spend with your partner when both are in parallel digital play can have highly variable effects on the relationship.  Eye contact my be non-existent and communication may be relegated sending each other Memes or interesting social media posts.  Take a second to think about your own relationship and ask yourself “Do we stare at our phones too much when spending time with each other?” … you can always do something about that.
    • Slightly better would be co-consuming entertainment. Netflix and Chilling if you will.  When having a shared experience with your partner by watching a movie or TV show that you both genuinely enjoy you are creating an opportunity to strengthen your relationship and stimulate oxytocin release.  You also open up points of reference for conversation, laughter and touch.  This isn’t something to be over-reliant on as you do not want a relationship built strictly on enjoying the same movies as your partner, but in 2021, take what you can get and think of it as good starting point. 
    • Finally, the best condition for relationship growth and stimulation of oxytocin would be time shared together with limited distractions such as screentime.  Again, Touch, Communication, and Eye Contact are all important in Oxytocin release.  And so you and your partner, as two mutually consenting adults, can take that in any direction that you would like.
  • To conclude, the point of this video is for you as an “overindulgent gamer” or Compulsive social media checker, to stop and really think about your relationship and what kind of effect your “Me time” activities are having on it.  Because if you don’t you could find yourself in a situation where you ONLY have ME time.
  • Thank you for watching, make sure to like, comment, and subscribe.  I want to hear from you, what changes can you make to put a little more focus on your partner? Do you struggle with making the change from Raiding to hanging out with your partner?  Let me know in the comments and I’ll see you next time.